Life's a Stitch

Hunting for Treasure

I’m partial to all things treasure hunting. Geocaching, mushrooming, bargain hunting in liquidation stores where items are returns from the likes of Target, Walmart or Amazon. Daughter M and I went to one last year that had heaps of open box Instant Pots. One whiff was all it took to realize they were after use returns. Think the scent of leftover meatloaf. No thank you.

We returned for Christmas shopping, accompanied by B, who inherited the bargain hunting gene from both parents, and girlfriend, S. We were greeted by a herd of pastel ponies to match their outfits.

Then came the edible eye shadow.

What the heck? Was it designed to lick off of eyelids?  Reading the steps it was even less clear:

1. Mix and color

2. Fill

3. Eat

4. Wear

Next we found Glenda Glitterpoop, a Feisty Pet. A picture is worth a thousand words:

Among my actual purchases was a brand new (no trace of meatloaf scent) open box Instant Pot for $30. At our Christmas Wilbo Family Reunion C mentioned twice that he wished he had one. His wish came true and it was used five times over the course of the week. 

And this one made it under the tree. A perfect choice for four boys, ages 3-7.

 

 

Something is fishy in hamland - The Story of the Wilbo Celebratory Ham - Part 2

I may have mentioned this in a prior post. I used to work with a wise woman, who would say “Everyone has a story. Some longer than others.” Complicated as it is, I’ll try to spare you length.

Sooo, I followed the tracking of our Serrano ham, all 17.5 lbs of it. Presumably it had originated in Spain, maybe over to China, then to Florida where my tracking notice began. Wait a minute, this ham is following our travels! USPS then showed its arrival in Fresno, California, nowhere near our usual California destination. And not anywhere close to our address. 

That’s where it stayed, delivered to an address in Fresno. Scam complete. Yes, this is an official category of mail fraud. A package is sent, not the expected weight, to a completely different address. Tracking is marked delivered, and the sender collects the payment from PayPal. Communicating with the post office supervisor, she confirmed that it weighed 8oz, originated in Florida, it’s terminus in Fresno.

It’s most definitely, not-so-shockingly,  a scham (a scam ham). There were too many signs along the way. A call, followed by a phone call to PayPal, escalated the case to “claim” status. They have contacted Mr. Kenneth Terrel, of Florida, for an explanation. He has some explaining to do. 

Our family holiday treat will now be a prime rib roast, bought at a local grocery store, and safely stowed in our freezer.

Not so long a story afterall. 

The Story of the Wilbo Celebratory Ham

Most Canadians know the story of Dave and the Turkey, from the Vinyl Cafe, a radio show featuring sadly gone-too-soon storyteller, Stuart McLean.

 

Our family is developing its own true-to-life bizarre holiday food story. 

 

Background: The name Wilbo is a mash up of our family name with that of Daughter M’s husband’s family name, Wilson. Our son, as emcee of their wedding, told a Lord of the Rings-esque story of the formation of the Wilbo clan. And it worked for our eldest daughter, whose husband is a Williams and son’s girlfriend, also a Wilson, though not related. 

 

The story starts in Spain, while walking our various pilgrimage routes of the Camino de Santiago, where our primary portable protein was the country’s Serrano style cured ham, similar to prosciutto. No nitrates or nitrites, it is aged only in sea salt and required no refrigeration. We raved about it.

 

This year at Costco in Washington we saw whole legs of Iberico ham, on the bone, complete with knife and wooden stand for $99. A non-option for $549, was an upgrade to the cream of the crop, gourmet ham from pampered pigs that are fed acorns. 

 

Christmas will be a meeting of the Wilbo clan, I think 18 of us. C thought it would be a fun treat to have such a ham on the kitchen counter for all to partake. Everyone was looking forward to this unique part of the feast. Alas, when it came time to buy said ham, they were no longer available.

 

One of my children (name withheld) has always had a difficult time releasing expectations; his/her image of how something is supposed to be. When I texted the kids as to the change in plans, who do you think I heard from? Immediately. “Nooooooo...” It was central to his/her vision of this unique Christmas celebration.

 

Reminiscent of the Cabbage Patch doll, talking Alf or stuffed Barney searches of their toddlerhoods (prior to home computers, mind you), I tried to make this Christmas dream come true, this time via google. 

 

Searching for Serrano ham Spain, clicking on shopping, the following price points appeared: $187.95, $179.00, $349.85, $490. These are US dollars, so add a third for a realistic impact on our Christmas budget. Not. A. Chance.

 

Then I saw it. $79.95! Clicking on it took me to a site for a clothing store in China. 

Scrolling down, in addition to mens and ladies wear there was the ham! Several other food options were listed: crab cakes, sea bass, meat pies, St. Louis ribs and Napa Valley cold pressed sesame oil. 

 

I selected shipping and saw that it would be sent via the US postal service within five days. No way that was coming from China. I zoomed in on the image and determined the brand to be legitimate. Oh, what to do? A Spanish ham on a Chinese site delivered from a location in the US. 

 

We looked at each other, coming to the same conclusion, it’s worth the gamble. If it was a scam ham, we’d have PayPal behind us. So I clicked on “place order.” Our child would be happy.

 

This is where the ham story gets fishy. The PayPal receipt came from an account with a hotmail address made up of random numbers and letters. It also lists TWO hams with a subtotal of double the price and a final payment for one.

 

So that’s where we are. What do you think? Is it a ham scam? Goods from a stolen restaurant supplier? An overage of corporate gifts? A Chinese lookalike? Will a ham even be delivered? Might there in fact be two (35lbs!)?

 

Stay tuned. The tracking number says it will be delivered in time for Christmas.